Archive | December, 2012

In Memoriam

10 Dec

It’s been just about a week since you passed, but it feels like I just heard the news of your passing moments ago.

I am hurt, immobilized by the pain of knowing that this year’s Thanksgiving was not just the last ┬áholiday that I would get to spend with you, but the last living moment that I was able to share with you. (Guess Mommy was on to something when she did not let me take that job Oregon…)

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We joked that you should start exercising on Black Friday, and you joked that you would start in the new year. Oh if only you had listened to your doctors and started exercising. Perhaps then your family would not be left with the pain, heartbreak, and incapability of being consoled.

Aunt Dot, if only you were a just a “great aunt,” then maybe this would not hurt so much. I could rather relate you to a grandmother, but that would not be fair considering I never had a quality relationship with my grandparents. You, darling, were like a second mother. Someone who I looked up to, someone who inspired me, someone who I knew I loved unconditionally, and vice versa.

I sit and think of all of the amazing memories I had with you, but those memories just leave me with tears in my eyes. Remember all of the times Danny and I would spend the night over your place? Until I grew up enough to realize you snored way too loudly. I remember it was near the holidays one year and you played a Luther Vandross Christmas song called “The Mistletoe Jam”…I can’t even begin to tell you how much that song makes me giggle as an adult as it did when I was little.

You took us everywhere, and accompanied us on all of our trips. You may have lived a few towns over, but you were still our immediate family member. You were there for all the holidays (and when you were not, you heard our mouths about it and you did not make the mistake of going anywhere else but our house for the holidays again), all the graduations, the “regular days,” and everything in between.

Knowing you will not be here for any more holidays, when I get married, have children, the “regular days,” etc. is just…incomprehensible, unacceptable, unbearable. I cannot wrap my head around the idea that my children will not have the pleasure of knowing the amazing Dorothy Ward. Sheesh.

I can at least say that I was blessed to have had the honor, and privilege of having you in my life. I am eternally grateful for that. I would always refer to you as my “cool aunt, who I want to grow up and be just like” to all of my friends, and today, I feel even more driven to make that a reality knowing that you are up in heaven watching over me, making sure I do just that.

Love never dies.

I know I still love you no matter how far away you are from me. And I know you still love me, as you rest in paradise with God.

As I continue to mourn losing you, Aunt Dot, one of the greatest people I have ever known, I know that in time, the pain will ease, and your transition from living on this earth to living in my heart will become, for lack of a better word, easier.

I cannot process why He took you away so soon, but He does everything for a reason. While that reason remains unbeknownst to my family and me, I pray that in time my heart heals, and ultimately, that I can live a life damn near as amazing as yours.

Promising to make you proud…

I love you always, and am so thankful for you and all that you have done for me…

Until we meet again…in my heart, always, and forever.

RIP Aunt Dot

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